Friday 8 November 2002

Squirrel terrorizes British town

In a desperate bid to develop new weapons of mass destruction, the ingeniously malevolent Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein has enlisted an army of squirrels as his next prized weapons system. The little creatures, pumped full of steroids and mind-control drugs, have been released into British towns to terrorise the population. Our Iraqi source told us that if this experiment was successful the squirrels would be released in large numbers throughout the USA, Australia and anyone else who attempted to invade Iraq.

A squirrel is spreading terror in a Cheshire town where it keeps attacking people.

Its latest victim was a two-year-old girl, British newspapers reported on Thursday.

Children have been attacked, grown men chased and residents of Knutsford, central England, are fearful of letting their kids out to play, the Times newspaper said.

The rogue squirrel's latest attack was on toddler Kelsi Morley who was bitten on the forehead.

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