Monday 9 September 2002

Adventures of Fluffy, American Dissident Cat

by Al Martin

If looks could kill... It's started again. Early in the morning some idiot starts ringing my doorbell. It was ringing and ringing and ringing, and I knew right away it was one of the Geriatric Gestapo of the Neighborhood Watch Association. They're the only ones that would do it - ring five or six times in a row like that. And sure enough it was - complaining about the Fluffster. Anyway Fluffy the cat was over at the golf club parking lot, where he likes to hang out with all the Cadillacs and their American flags that the Geriatric Gestapo like to put on their cars. The Fluffster has gotten into the habit of tearing the flags off of them.

To him, it's just something to play with. The flags are blowing in the breeze, and the cat gets on top of the cars. He takes his paws and grabs at the flag and his claws get stuck in the flag. Then in order to get his claws out, he will literally tear the flag right off the little wooden pole. His claws get stuck in there because they're all cheap little seventy-nine cent American flags - made in China, of course. They're just stapled on to the wood. So the Fluffster, in order to get his claws out, has to tear the flag off the pole. And people are thinking he's doing it on purpose. These oldsters are convinced that I've trained him to do it on purpose because I told them so. I've told them that the Fluffster is a duly enlightened cat, and he's doing his part to prevent the spread of "Dangerous Blind Patriotism."

Read on...