Tuesday 7 December 2004

The Voice of the White House

“If you want to do a book, that’s fine by me but don’t expect me to show up for a book-signing tour with Borders Books. Men in black suits with little crosses in their coat lapels would show up and shoot me dead while chanting verses from Psalms.

I will send you some really lovely documents you can put into the text but since you don’t know my name, put down anything you like. How about Russell Bush, the Cousin No One Talks About?

Now, down to more serious matters. First of all, I have written before about the incredible security precautions to be taken here for the Imperial Inauguration in January. I am sending you part of a DHS bulletin that will back this up. I can’t send you the Secret Service directives because to publish them would result in immediate and furious reactions and probably visits from the flat of feet and pointy of head.

There will be more security in and around DC than Hitler ever had at one of his rallies. Everything but the Nazi flags and goose-stepping SS men. There will be Coast Guard watches over all waterways around Washington, Air Force units on instant readiness (unlike the very odd and highly suspicious total lack of concern on September 11…in spite of many important warnings of an attack) with antiaircraft missile units in place all around the Beltway, on the ground and especially on the roofs of buildings around the Capitol and the White House.

On the ground, heavily armed Special Forces units everywhere, waiting inside Federal buildings to emerge and “deal severely” with any organized crowd activity directed against the Head Chimpanzee. And I mean the orders are, and I have seen them, to drag protesters outside the view of the public and especially the cameras and beat the shit out of them.

Bush and his Gestapo have not forgotten the last inauguration wherein people actually had the nerve to hoot and jeer at him and, far worse, to hurl vegetables and other objects at the Imperial limousine. My God, you should have seen our Beloved President’s face when blunt objects thundered down on his car!

He was as white as a KKK sheet and his mouth was hanging open in shock. Top speed to the White House and he had to have a soothing shot before he wet himself. ….

And this is really funny and entirely predictable. The Christian Right is somehow of the opinion that since they, and they alone (with the help of Jesus and Almighty God…the Virgin Mary is not in their pantheon) elected Caligula for another term, he owes them big and he is now expected to deliver on his vague promises, made to various Christian Right leaders, in private of course, before the election. This long list is howlingly funny, or would be if it weren’t serious. Here is a copy of at least some of the more obnoxious items on their wish list that I have culled from all the papers around here:

1. Abolish and criminalize abortion

2. Establish Creationism in all public schools

3. Declare Christmas a “True Christian Holiday”

4. Base American law on the Ten Commandments, not the Secular Constitution

5. Make any kind of homosexual activity a criminal offense

6. Censor any and all media material they deem to be pornographic or offensive

7. Send missionaries to Iraq and other occupied countries to Christianize them…by force

8. Declare a Christian Crusade as quickly as possible with the aim of converting the world.

9. Work with Israel to demolish the Arab mosques and rebuild the Temple of Solomon

10. Declare Sunday as Christ’s Day and shut all retail businesses down for that day

11. Institute the Tithe in the United States where 10% of the worker’s checks go to Jesus (them)

12. Ban forever any kind of Satanic Rock and Roll and make it punishable to air or play it

13. Set up a Cabinet post as Religious Coordinator

14. Stop the publication of any and all Harry Potter type Satanic books. Abolish Satanic board games

15. Immediately quarantine any and all AIDS victims as drug abusers and rampant queers

16. Abolish all secular media programs on Sunday and Christmas and replace with religious ones

17. Require heavy prison sentences for any and all drug abuse.

18. Reestablish old sedition laws to prevent displays of anti-Government sentiment anywhere

Now it should be obvious that Bush cannot even discuss any of this in public or he would be impeached or much worse. He knows it, Karl “Chubs” Rove knows it and so does every one else here in the Monkey Palace not on Prozac. The catch of this is that if Bush does not conform to the Celestial Party Line, these chinless geeks will turn on him with a vengeance. They are very good haters, (they hate everyone but themselves) and very soon George will have to either cater to them (which he cannot do and is absolutely impossible) or he will be Evangelical toast.. Poor Curious George.

He will have the increasingly vicious war in Iraq (which is now descending into Nazi-like outright war crimes) on one side and the rabid, screeching Jesus Freaks on the other. I don’t think the next four years will be healing ones for anyone and George will be well-done on the rotisserie of the Fires of Hell.

Unfortunately, the rest of us will have to cook too because George is going to take us all down with him. If God were indeed All Seeing and All Merciful, He would take George to His bosom with diligence and dispatch.”