Thursday 31 July 2003

Terms of engagement

Herewith, definitions to keep on top of current events

by Eric Margolis

It's very difficult keeping up with Mideast news due to the Orwellian newspeak coming from Washington.
So here's a handy list of key terms, translated into simple English.

Liberation - Invasion.

Coalition - The U.S. and British invaders, plus some troops from rent-a-nations like Romania and Poland. In the past, "the coalition" would have been called imperial forces and mercenary auxiliaries.

Dictator - A ruler you don't like, or who does not cooperate.

Statesman - A cooperative dictator.

Stability - when things go the way Uncle Sam likes, ie., the status quo.

Instability - when things don't go the way Unc Sam wants, ie., when trouble-makers try to change the status quo.

Iraq reconstruction - a process whereby big firms that contribute to the president's re-election campaign obtain contracts to rebuild the damage caused by U.S. bombing.

Freeing Iraq's oil assets - Washington's seizure and sale of Iraqi oil, which in no way can be compared to Cuba's seizure and sale of U.S.-owned property, a dastardly crime.

Mideast democracy - regimes that hold rigged elections and obey Washington's orders.

Free trade - pouring goods and services into the newly "liberated" country, and buying up its key industrial assets at fire-sale prices.

Terrorism - violent acts by dangerous fanatics and malcontents who refuse to accept the downtrodden status assigned to them by Washington.

Anti-terrorism - State terrorism.

Uranium - a yellowish mineral from Niger that causes red faces in the White House.

Iraq Administrator - A pro-consul or gaulieter, disguised as a minor suburban bureaucrat.

Drones of death - Iraqi remotely piloted aircraft that the White House claimed were poised to fly off Iraqi ships lurking in the North Atlantic and shower fiendish germs on a sleeping America - which turn out to be two model airplanes, only one of which could fly. See "vans of death."

Vans of death - Claimed by Washington to be Iraqi mobile germ warfare laboratories, but turn out, on inspection, to be British-supplied trucks for inflating weather balloons.

Weapons of Mass Destruction - Nasty weapons, existing or non-existing, that the other side has. When your side has them, they become invisible.

Torture - a foul act committed by your enemies. When your side does it, it's called intensive interrogation in Guantanamo.

Homeland security - bolting the barn door after the horse has escaped by rounding up Muslims and denying them due process of law.

French - Insubordinate ingrates and depraved chain-smokers who had the nerve to try to block the jolly little war in Iraq, and now sneer, "we told you so."

Germans - Untrustworthy. Just when you order them to be warlike again, they go soft. Wait until they see the next dozen WWII epics from Hollywood.

Canadians - A bunch of pot-smoking, pinko, wimp nancy boys who marry their best friends and refuse to obey orders from the Great White Father in Washington.

Islam - An evil faith that promotes violence and hatred, as proven by the Rev. Jimmy Swaggart, who learned about the agents of the devil while encountering them in motel rooms.

Full story...